Infertility’s Pain, IVF’s Cost

Infertility reaches deep into a marriage. It hurts both husband and wife. It brings questions you never thought you’d ask and a longing that feels like it sits in your chest day and night. It can shake your confidence, your emotions, and even your faith if you’re not careful. And in that hurt, it’s easy to feel like God is far, even though He sees every bit of your pain.

Paul understood what it was like to carry something he didn’t want. He called it a thorn. He asked the Lord to take it away, and God didn’t. Instead the Lord told him His grace was enough and His strength would show up in that weakness. You see this in 2 Corinthians 12.

Infertility can be that same kind of thorn. It can bring you closer to the Lord if you let it. But it can also pull you toward sin if you start looking for answers outside of God’s ways. And that is where IVF often takes root.

IVF removes the creation of life from the marriage bed and puts it into the hands of people and machines. Children are made in dishes instead of through the one-flesh union God designed. And even if someone says “we only made one embryo,” the reality doesn’t change. Creating a child this way is stepping outside God’s design and placing a little human into a risky process God never intended.

Every embryo is a real child made in God’s image the moment fertilization happens. Psalm 139 says God forms each life. Genesis 1 says His image is stamped on every one of them. IVF ignores that by treating children like objects that can be stored, tested, or thrown away. And IVF always carries the possibility — and often the certainty — of children dying.

When a couple chooses IVF, they aren’t just choosing a medical procedure. They’re choosing to place their children into a system where many do not survive. Some die during fertilization. Some die while being tested. Some die in the thawing process. Some are discarded as “extras.” Some are left frozen for years until their tiny bodies no longer survive.

These deaths don’t happen by accident. They happen because life is put into a system that handles human beings carelessly. And parents hold responsibility for these children. Not because they meant to harm them, but because their decision placed their sons and daughters into danger they never should have been exposed to.

Scripture teaches that each person is accountable before God for their choices. Ezekiel 18 and Romans 14 make that very clear. God sees every child — even the smallest one — and He does not overlook them. Their lives mattered. Their deaths mattered. And this is something that should be felt, not brushed aside. It should break the heart and bring someone humbly before the Lord.

Infertility is painful, and God knows that. But pain never gives us permission to walk outside His commands. He does not change His standards because the situation is emotional or difficult. Psalm 34 says the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. He sees you. He hears you. But He will not bless choices that harm the very children He creates. Your infertility is a thorn meant to bring you closer to Him, not into rebellion or into systems that bring harm to human life.

When someone finally sees their part in IVF for what it truly was, the next step isn’t to panic, hide, or try to defend it. It’s simply going to God with a real, honest heart. Not trying to pray the “right” prayer or find the perfect words, but just laying it all before Him the same way you’d talk to someone who already knows the whole story.

It might sound more like, “Lord, I see it now. I didn’t trust You the way I should have, and I made choices that hurt the children You gave life to. I’m asking You to forgive me and help me walk in obedience from here on.”

Repentance isn’t about putting on a show or sounding spiritual. It’s about admitting the truth and turning around. And the Lord doesn’t turn away a heart that comes to Him honestly. He meets you there with mercy, not rejection. He already knows every part of what happened, and He still calls you back to Himself.

Many couples still have embryos stored in freezers. These are living children. They cannot defend themselves or speak up. They cannot escape the cold rooms where they’ve been left. They need their parents to take responsibility and protect them from being discarded or forgotten.

Proverbs 24 tells us to rescue those being taken away to death and to hold back those stumbling toward slaughter. These frozen children fall directly into that command. They should not be abandoned. They should not be treated like leftovers. They should not be left helpless while time runs out. Parents must act to guard their lives and make sure no clinic destroys them.

It is not wrong to long for a child, but longing can never become an excuse to sin. God calls His people to faithfulness, even when the path is painful. The goal is not simply holding a baby but walking in obedience to Christ. Your infertility may feel like a heavy thorn, but God can use it to deepen your trust in Him. Let it pull you toward Christ instead of away. Let it shape humility and obedience. Let it strengthen your faith rather than weaken it.

God sees your tears. He knows your ache. And He still calls you to righteousness, even in your sorrow.